so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
