don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize