dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
