a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
