i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
