her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
