Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
