i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
