i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
