Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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