i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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