should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
