Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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