I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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