Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
