Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
