Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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