we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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