I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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