If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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