The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
