I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
