I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
