Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
a search helicopter?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
