Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
