Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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