let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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