I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
