Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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