Midget sex pt 2 tonight
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
