I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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