Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
