i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
