I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
