Im at strip club and am horny
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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