i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
