If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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