apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
