Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
