im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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