So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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