this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize