just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
