So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize