You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
