One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
