Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
