So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
