I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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