Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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