You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Less talking, more tequila
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
