He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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