You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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