he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
