Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
