Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
