Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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