weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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