Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
