"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize