jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
