he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
