Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love having hate sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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