my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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