Whoa Z and x make the same sound
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
