i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
