I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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