does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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