i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
