I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize