I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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