They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
